There are words you learn in high school but never think you'll ever use in real life...here's one...melancholia. I learnt that from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice. Ironically, that's the only word i can use to describe my mood right now. Yea yea, I'm a sarcastic asshole, fuck u. but even sarcastic assholes have hearts! ask Tupac! Thugs get lonely too. Sidenote: that song holds so much memories for me.
Anyway, sometimes, it's just necessary to open up..n break down if necessary. I might not cry (i exhausted my tear reservoir around my 8th heartbreak ) but don't think any less of me. Today i just heard a woman cry.no, sob her heart out on me over the phone. doesn't that only happen in like the movies? or some shady B rate soap?? I just sat there and listened dumbly. I have a wide arrray and vast knowledge of women, but a crying woman is not my forté! I'm like a physicist faced with the connundrum of the existence or lack, of God. My English teacher had a saying for that...Out at sea. And verily. i say unto ye, I was out at sea in a squall, in a leaking boat with a ripped sail and a broken oar. And not even beloved Sir Jack Daniels for company!
But life is a school, and experience your teacher. Like a good program, that episode had been recorded as a glitch. A bug, to be analysed and solution created.
And it made me think. My past, my past relationships ...everything. To some, this could actually b construed as a great thing, but not me. I've broken a bucketful of hearts and the Indians say., what goes around, comes around. The americans say, karma's a bitch and coming from the guys that wrote the kamasutra and the patent holders of MacDonald burgers, it has to weigh for something, right?
So now I'm melancholic, pondering on when cannibalistic Karma, the damn bitch, will come acalling, demanding a pound of flesh (another Merchant of Venice allusion ). Finally i decided, i cannot buy back my past, heck, i cant buy condoms for this weekend! But i can purpose to be a better me. So, as i sit here on this broken crate, in this deserted construction site, i write my new constitution. Here's to the New Republic of Mark-StLuke.
~Inspired by Rabbit's (a.k.a Kaka Sungura) The Swahili Shakespeare.~